looking forward

I am a little more "enlightened" since my last post. I definitely go back and forth with my emotions going from extremely sad to hopeful.  I wanted to get down everything that I was actually "looking forward" to. Being at home next year will bring good things to my life and I need to remind myself of this. (This is me being extremely optimistic! ) :) ....This is also a mix of topics!!! LOL

  Over the past week or two I've really been thinking about what I want to do with my time while Thomas is gone. It will be a lifestyle change for sure. Without having a job I will for sure need to keep my mind busy with something. I'm sure from some of my friends I may have, or will get, some criticism for not trying to find an X-ray job at the hospital, but I have many reasons why it's not the best thing for me at this time even though I wish more than anything I could. I have decided to try and find a part time job (not in retail this year!!)  I also am looking forward to getting involved in my church. I want to volunteer my time away because the more I give to others the less time I have to think and feel sorry for myself.

The other night Thomas and I attended a "meet and greet." A lovely event where you get to stand up for hours ( it's considered rude to sit in a generals presence unless invited to..and there was not a seat to be found!)  , meet the general of the post and chit chat the night away listening to other officers tell you and your husband the amazing accomplishments they have made in their careers...all while wearing high heels and smiling like you are interested. :) Mary and I would sneak away sometimes to grab a small plate of finger foods, but we were quickly greeted by a man who wanted to tell us his story, lol. Little did he know, but Mary (who is also pregnant) was about to upchuck the meatball she just had, and I was about to fallout do to my lovely low blood pressure problem brought on by pregnancy. He spoke with us for what seemed like 20 min, we were pleased to hear the general make an announcement that she was ready to speak so we could make our get away!! It wasn't much of a get away because the general also wanted to talk and we were still stuck in the same place. There were many rules presented to us that night by our husbands. Don't sit, don't wear a dress that shows your knees ( that didn't happen), don't shake the ladies hand that you come to first in the receiving line, don't leave the room before the general, and certainly don't leave while she ( the general)  is speaking to the group. The longer I stood in those heels the more I felt like I was going to come crashing down to the floor. The room was spinning!! I was scared to leave. I was surrounded by high ranking officers and I was near the front which meant many people would know I was trying to leave and it would be obvious. I couldn't just slip through the back door with no one noticing. I didn't want to make Thomas look bad like he had not explained to me the etiquette of proper "meet and greets" but I had to make my decision...Do I fall-out and make a scene ( EKK! but maybe would serve them right for asking us poor pregnant women to stand for three hours, hehe) or do I risk looking like a dumb lieutenants wife? I looked at Thomas and asked if he could come out with me, ummm, that was a NO! So I started to make my way through the crowd. Yes, people looked. In such a small room I nudged my way through hoping not to fall over on them. I found a chair and was sooo relived! My head felt as light as a feather and then Mary came out. She too was about to loose her cookies if she stood in that hot room any longer. All in all no one said anything and we were not questioned on why we walked out. :) So my lesson for next "meet and greet"...wear flats!!

Okay, so I got a little off my "what I'm looking forward to" topic, but I guess that fits in by saying i'm looking forward to not having to go to next years meet and greet? Okay, I am also looking forward to being around friends and family for the birth of our baby. In CO I wasn't going to be able to have friends there, just in-laws, mom, and my hubby...which would have been perfectly fine, and preferred, but it is nice to think that friends will come see me and the baby in the hospital and woo over how cute my son is...;) I don't want to be alone in the hospital and with all my wonderful friends and family I don't think that's an option anyways. :)

I'm also looking forward to picking out sweet cards and making care packages for Thomas while he is gone. While marriages can be strained from distance and time apart, I know there are still ways to show him I love him even from countries away. All the physical part of the relationship is stripped and you are left to rely on love and communication skills. This can be very rewarding for a marriage in my opinion, if done successfully. I was thinking last night while lying in bed...How many people can honestly say that every single day they treat their spouse as if they only had a short time left with them? Sure there are some, but I have been given this unique opportunity in  my marriage to have those blunt facts pushed in my face daily that he will not be with me next year. No one can predict the future, he is going to war, not a vacation, so of course the thoughts of him not returning occasionally past my mind.  I am in no way claiming to be perfect to him, that's for sure. I have my moments where I look back and wish I didn't act a certain way. I'm not sure where I heard this, or if I just made it up in my head, but what if (in a healthy marriage) we treated our spouse like it was our job to make them happy? I mean, they are our spouses and if you believe that God has given you this person to help you through life, why wouldn't you want to do that? I don't mean give in to their every beck and call, and certainly not let them abuse or take advantage of you, but do things for them even when you may not feel like it. Serve them their dinner, rub there back or feet, offer to be the one to get up and get them that drink of water. It's the little things that make them feel special and you might be surprised by the reaction you get! Even though Thomas and I have never really discussed the matter in detail I feel like he does that for me now. If I get up to get water and he knows I don't feel good, he rushes up to beat me to the refrigerator insisting I sit down and let him serve me, and I do. Give and take happens when you are joyful to give! Okay enough marriage talk.

I am also looking forward to possibly being able to rent a house. I have lived in apartments for years and year and years!!! I want to be able to sing at the top of my lungs without my neighbor hearing me. :) I am looking for a roommate as well someone I can trust and who is a good friend. We will see how that goes, I might be dishing out the rent all by myself.

Anyways, I've been working on this post off and on all day and I think it's time to wrap it up. I know it was a little jumpy from one topic to the next, but I just wanted to share my thoughts with you friend. Thank you for reading, and a special thanks to you who have messaged me in response to my blog. You have no idea how much encouragement you have given me by letting me know you care!! Thank you!!!